I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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