I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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