i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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