I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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