I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize