fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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