i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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