So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize