I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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