you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
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I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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