My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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