you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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