His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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