youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize