we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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