I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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