Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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