I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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