Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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