if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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