using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize