i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize