If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My pussy is not your playground.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I want her autograph on my taint
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize