He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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