Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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