my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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