didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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