I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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