I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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