GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If I had your ass I would rule the world
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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