I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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