So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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