M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize