can we get nightvision for the apartment?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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