update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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