I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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