I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize