so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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