Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am puke
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
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would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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