I looked at my own cervix.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize