When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize