Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize