Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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