Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize