i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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