You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
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I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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