I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If i come over, it means nothing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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