Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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