Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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