A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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